Confessions of a Polyamorist

First of all, let's define polyamory:

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Pretty self explanatory, right? Well, it's actually pretty complicated, but you get the gist of what it means to be polyamorous. 

I should mention that I have always disliked being labeled, as I feel like a label is something that people "define" you by. Polyamory does not define who I am, but I am polyamorous. 

Now that that's out of the way, let me dive into it a bit more. I'm not one to reveal much personal information about myself, but I felt compelled to write about something that's been on my mind. 

My husband and I separated a couple months ago; it's been hard for me to talk about, because I feel partly responsible and I am taking responsibility for the part that I played in the relationship ending. 

What does that have to do with the whole polyamory thing? A lot. I'm not going to go into details, but a lot of the relationship strife was due to my not keeping both relationships in check; especially the relationship with my husband, which was most important. I look back and see how selfish I became and my lack of communication certainly didn't help. In polyamory relationships, it's vital that you keep all communication open and consistent with everyone involved. I was always honest with everyone, but wasn't consistent with my communication. When communication isn't consistent and one person feels left out, pain and jealousy can occur. It was never my intention to hurt anyone and I am sincerely sorry for the way I was and the hurt I caused. 

I'm sad about the way things ended, but I will always be grateful for having him in my life and for all the time we had together; good and bad. My only regret is that I didn't try harder and put more effort into the relationship. 

This is my confession; not as a "polyamorist," but as a wife, a partner, a person.