We all have some sort of title or titles; sister, brother, dad, mom, wife, boss, etc. To some extent, we are that title, but it shouldn't make us who we are. For a long time, I didn't feel like I had a real identity; I was a title. The last five months have changed my life; I went from being a wife, living with her husband to a soon-to-be divorcee living on her own. I got my own place, got a job a month after that and now I've been steadily working and being on my own. Life changes every moment; sometimes it's a slight change and sometimes, it's much more than you could imagine. Though it was hard to leave the life I had, I feel like I've grown so much as a person since then. I was forced, in a way, to discover who I really was. I wasn't just a "wife," or a "step-mother;" I was a person. I was happy to be those things, but I was hiding behind the titles so as not to discover myself. I believe that there are many people out there like that. You become this other "thing," and sometimes, you lose sight of who you are as an individual. I still have a long way to go in my discovery, but I feel like I'm a lot closer than I was. I don't have anywhere to hide and that makes me scared in a way, but also grateful.

Fear and anxiety

I've been feeling alone and anxious a lot lately. I find myself desperately trying to find ways to distract myself from having these feelings. I had a PT job to help keep me busy and I got hired for another job, but didn't show up for the orientation and I quit my previous job. So now I have no job and the fear is starting to set in; fear of having no income and fear of not having something to keep me busy/distracted. I'm trying to not let the fear control me and assure myself that 1. I'm capable of being alone and I should use that time to do productive things and be ok with being by myself and 2. I will find another job/way to make income.

Fear has controlled me for many years, so it's hard to let go and trust that things will work out. As I write this, my stomach is in knots and I'm scared and anxious. I'm not sure how to proceed from here. My mind tells me that I need to find a job quickly so that I have income, but my heart wants me to rest and not be worried and desperate. It's easy to listen to your mind and let it control you, but it's better to listen to your heart. I don't know what my next step is; all I know is that I need to try and trust that things will work out. Tomorrow is a new day. For now, I will do my best and that's all I can do.